Because the Capitol Hill Block Party JUST happened…
Interpol
Dudes who are thwarted by the Chinese finger trap every single time.
Black Lips
Guys who don’t get jobs because their potential employer discovered photos of them bro icing on Facebook.
Girl Talk
Bar Mitzvah crashers.
Fucked Up
People who wish they could mosh with Shrek, Snorlax, and Lenny from Of Mice and Men.
Wolf Parade
People who throw a shitfit when someone suggests that there are too many indie bands named after animals.
Hot Chip
Men who used the cheat code to see naked, poorly-rendered 3D figures showering in The Sims.
Surfer Blood
That sweaty dude in the mosh pit who referred to your girlfriend as “Baberaham Lincoln.”
Best Coast
The girl who tries to hook up with that same sweaty dude by bragging about her cat.
Toro Y Moi
Deceptively straight males who think “riding the chillwave” is a national pastime.
The National
Dudes who would rather play chess than Hungry Hungry Hippos: The Drinking Game.
Ninjasonik
Guys who are always worried they accidently impregnated their girlfriends.
Crystal Castles
Bitches who think it’s okay to scratch guys who misbehave. And the boys who buy them soy lattes.
Sleigh Bells
Chicks and dudes who semi-ironically aspire to “Superman dat ho” at an indie rock concert.
MGMT
Pre-Congratulations: 81% of College Freshmen. Post-Congratulations: Guys who consider the ability to store 13 pencils in their hair to be an evolutionary advantage.
Dan Deacon
Smelly, un-self-aware hipsters who wear mal-fitting baseball caps and probably attend SUNY Purchase.
Andrew Bird
Girls who get sexually aroused by traditional avian mating calls.
Of Montreal
Guys who bought kaleidoscopes with their Chuck E. Cheese tickets.
Broken Social Scene
People who fantasize about riding an eight-person, single-gear bicycle to the Brooklyn Bowl.
HEALTH
Guys who lit fires in their backyards before hitting puberty. Then they took up smoking.
Cat Power
Mediocre-looking girls who put Zooey Deschanel as their doppelganger on Facebook.
Iron and Wine
Grown men who always get roped into being the DD for “Ladies Night Out” with their mother and her coworkers from Office Depot.
Pavement
Stay-at-home dads.
M. Ward
Lonely, chronic masturbators who end up settling for the Cat Power chicks.
Sonic Youth
Guys who mistake their blender for a radio.
Modest Mouse
People who expressed legitimate concern regarding the state of humanity when J.D. Salinger died.
The Decemberists
Virgins, not in the name of God, but as a result of valiant attempts to achieve poetic justice.
Fiery Furnaces
Those dicks who still won’t smile, even after you acknowledge their apathy with the “Woah, don’t get too excited!” joke.
LCD Soundsystem
People who are obsessed with their creepy uncles.
The Pixies
Dudes who feel the need to comment on how advanced Ren & Stimpy was whenever someone discusses their love for Lilo & Stich.
Belle & Sebastian
People who have ended their tweets on multiple occasions with #BringBackMessengerBags.
Chairlift
Covert nymphos.
Dinosaur Jr.
Guys who refused to go on Xbox Live with Halo 2 because it eliminated the community aspect of LAN parties.
The Hold Steady
Dads who coach the baseball team, even though their kid sucks.
Feist
Chicks who”didn’t agree with the ending” of (500) Days of Summer.
Elliott Smith
People who felt really bad for Buzz Lightyear when he discovered he couldn’t actually fly. And think Toy Story 3 is a step backwards for Pixar.
Yo La Tengo
Mature men who wish Q104.3 would expand their horizons to alternative old-people music.
Owen Pallett (Final Fantasy)
Guys who use the term “breasts” instead of “boobs” out of respect for their girlfriends.
Beirut
Girls who wish their boyfriend would stop killing the mood by using the term “breasts.”
“Jesus Christ.” (the indie band)
People who wish they thought of Hipster Puppies.
Die Antwoord
Fans of Obama before and after his appearance in the “Whoomp! (There It Is)” video.
Magnetic Fields
People who “discover” new bands via NPR.
Chromeo
Guys who initially used the word “bro” ironically and lost sight of their intentions shortly thereafter.
Panda Bear
Young men who know what a 401(k) is.
Neutral Milk Hotel
People who get where Christians are coming from with the whole “hope Jesus will rise again” thing.
Yeasayer
Guys who have proposed The Holy Mountain as an alternative to watching A Kid in King Arthur’s Court at family get-togethers.
My Morning Jacket
People whose reaction to the Grand Canyon could be summed up as “Eh.”
For part one click here