21 Jan 2012

{Guest Post} By Maddie Cary

Becoming a Dreamer

Picture me at 18 years old. Actually put some valiant effort into that, because I was much skinnier then, so this will be a more flattering place to start.

At 18, I live my entire life in practicality and reason. I approach things as a realist, sometimes to an alarming degree. I don’t like breaking rules. I don’t like the idea of getting into trouble. I don’t drink or try any drugs through my entire childhood and rambunctious teenage dome. You get the picture—I wasn’t the kind of kid to paint graffiti on the sides of buildings or get caught making out in the closet at somebody’s house party. I was never good at being indulgent or a risk taker. Don’t expect me to be the first to jump into the deep end of the pool. Hell, don’t expect me to be the first one to suggest going into the pool. Me in a bathing suit? In public? Do you want an entire collection of people to be simultaneously horrified and blinded at the same time? I didn’t think so.

Now, let’s move on from those chilling thoughts and settle into the now. The present Maddie, who is 22 and thought she knew exactly what she was doing. Thought she had created a practical college plan to follow and is instead staring into the future like it’s a San Francisco fog. I declared my business major at Seattle University because I thought it was a responsible step. I knew one day I wanted to own my own business and become an entrepreneur.

Now I’m two quarters from graduating, and on paper, I’m satisfactory for the business world. I’ve had work experience, two internships, and a handful of leadership experiences. I even have a leadership and mentoring position at the business school. In fact, to my current employer, who may be fully willing to hire me after graduation, I look fancy and clean-cut and like I’m ready to take on new responsibility.

So whoop-de-doo, put a cherry on top. The pie is baked, decorated, and ready to go, right? Wrong. Here’s where I hit the road-block.

What if instead, I took all that practical planning I’ve been assembling, molding, perfecting into the damn Mona Lisa, and, well…threw it out the window? What if I based my future goals on the one part of my life where I’m impulsive and indulgent: singing publicly.

Why would I do that? Well, here’s some context: Ever since I was about 4, I’ve been singing. Now, I’m fully aware that EVERY performer you come across will say something like that. Something along the lines of “I’ve basically been performing since the day I was born.” Oh sure, you came tap dancing out of your mother’s womb. I get it. What I mean by starting like that is to say that ever since I was young, it’s been one of the only things I felt good at. My first solo was in the 5th grade musical, where I tested out my a-bit-mature-for-my-age big voice. Later, I performed in middle school talent shows and watched tiny pubescent heads turn from the audience to try to figure out where that loud (not yet very controlled) singing voice was coming from. As I got older, I tried so hard to sound like famous pop stars and divas of soul and rnb. I sang at talent shows and sporting events in high school. I joined the choirs. I pretended like I knew how to write good songs and recorded demos when I was 15. That was and remains my identity to most people. I’m Maddie Cary: the girl with the big voice.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iafMhtDQD3g&feature=youtu.be]

I know, that’s kind of a pretentious way to tell a back-story. But it’s the best I’ve got. Since going to college, I’ve joined the Seattle University Choirs and become a section leader. I’ve learned a lot about my voice, and continue to believe it is no where near perfect, and that I have so much more to learn and space to grow. I’ve continued performing by singing at open mics and even formed an all-girl cover band.

So, ladies and gentlemen, it is time for the grand conclusion to all this babbling. And this is what I’ve come to: It’s about time I tried to take a leap into real, scary, oh-my-god-what-am-I-thinking life. It’s about time I stopped being so practical, and started dreaming.

And lately, I have. Honestly, I can’t stop. I play around with the idea of becoming a wedding singer and starting a business in it. I contemplate going back to school for an undergraduate degree in music so I can teach music in high schools or middle schools. I daydream about giving private voice lessons to girls trying to figure out how to hide their vocal breaks and sing above a high C. I fantasize about quitting any job I might have after college, touring the West Coast, and singing my heart out every night. I find myself watching hours and hours of my idols on YouTube—Beyonce, Adele, Amy Winehouse, Ella Fitzgerald, Otis Redding, Stevie Wonder, Jennifer Hudson, Queen, Feist—sending chills up my spine, causing me to ask myself how can I get on stage and give as much as they do? I catch myself watching scenes from musicals over and over again, enthralled by the passion behind their live performances. I dream about starting a performance choir for young girls so they can feel the warmth that overcomes you the first time you sing a solo on stage or lock in a harmony with a group of people. All these thoughts keep coming back again and again; like a dream I’ve been compressing that’s finally coming up for air.

Once, my choir director asked us why we loved music, and all I could think to respond was, “When I’m singing, that’s my real voice. More than my actual speaking voice day in and day out. When I’m singing and performing is when I am the most myself. The real me is me when I’m singing.”

I’ve opened the dreaming floodgates. There’s that early part of me that wants to think more reasonably, ignore these idealistic thoughts. But instead, I’m choosing to listen to that “real voice” inside me. And what will I learn by doing that? Well, I think E.E. Cummings said it better than I ever could:

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are”

Once upon a time, Maddie and I dismissed ourselves from class a little bit earlier than usual to treat ourselves to a longer lunch. It was over this lunch that the inspiration for Yow Yow’s “Guest Posts” was born. It was karmic synergy; it was meant to be. This lovely lady is one of the hardest working students I know juggling her time as a full-time student, an intern, a mentor to freshmen students, and a section leader in choir. Maddie’s talents as a phenomenal singer is something that is truly special. I kid you not, this girl has moved me to tears with her rendition of Coldplay’s “Trouble.” Last year, she started her own girl-group under the name “Maddie and the Cary-OH-Keys” and let me just say – they do a mean “Rolling in the Deep.”

Posted on January 21, in People