Growing up, I watched enough episodes of Step-By-Step, Full House, and Boy Meets World to learn that a dinner and a movie equaled a date. Then again, that was over a dozen years ago. So what is a date now? I’ve read enough blogs to learn that a date today is something completely spontaneous and adventurous something not in the books. In fact, The Frisky has advised me to stray away from both a dinner and a movie. Don’t do dinners because you might get yourself into a situation that is unbearable and you can’t run out on a meal. Alternative? Do drinks or dessert instead. Don’t do a movie because there’s no talking involved. Duh!
Then time came for me to go on my very first date. We had coffee tea and hot chocolate at Stumptown. It lasted about an hour – a perfect duration of time for me – he paid [aww that's nice!] We had conversations about school, our hobbies, why we chose to go to Seattle U, the usual. He was a gentleman and super sweet.
After the date ended, I came back to report to my friends.
“How was your date?!”
“We went out to coffee at Stumptown, it was fun.”
“K – A coffee date isn’t a real date!”
“But… but … he paid! Why isn’t it considered a date?”
I decided to pose this question to my friends.
Is a coffee date considered a real date?
Yes, you can grab coffee with your friends and family, but what are the actual traits of a date and who makes them up?
“Hmmm I wanna say no. I feel like you would go on that to get to know each other better, but I wouldn’t say that is a date…more to find out if you actually like the person.”
“Yes! but its an intro date, not completely serious.
What do you think the traits of a date are?
…Interest as more than just friends one-on-one”
“I would say yes and no. It’s a casual place to get to know someone rather than going straight to the fancy restaurants etc.”
“Coffee is not a date. Coffee is like buddy buddy. Lunch is friendship, but dinner is a date date.” – wise words from my mother.
“If it’s just you and a guy then it’s more like a date I think, but not as serious.”
“I feel like it depends on the relationship that you have with the person. If it is someone you have known for a long time, I think its more of a way to catch up. I think that coffee with someone you are just getting to know is a date date cause its much shorter than dinner and you can make up something easier if you don’t want to stay with them after coffee.”
“I think it could be considered a date – if the man pays and you’re chilling at the coffee shop for a long while, chatting it up”
“Ummmm no, but it can because to guys coffee is a neutral thing to test the waters [and for girls] it is a nice way of guys playing with ones heart.”
Conclusion: Coffee dates are pre-dates. Most of my friends started off their responses with an “umm,” “well…” or “I think…” which means we’re all in the same boat here! There’s not really a definitive answer, and there’s nothing wrong with that. There’s also a lot of “It depends on the person/relationship” meaning it’s different for everyone. I’m not exactly right in my thinking, but I’m not wrong either.