Exactly four years ago, I turned in my last college application. Months beforehand, I attended the college info sessions in which my high school would bring in representatives to sell their colleges to us. A doe-eyed girl back then, I was pretty much sold on just about every college session I went to. I hadn’t put too much thought into where I was going as long as I was going. I took the SAT’s twice. I loaded the extracurricular activities. On the first day of classes, I had my schedule changed so that I could take my honors English class with my favorite teacher from my sophomore year. Instead of sleeping in like every other senior in my class, I began my day with him at 7:10 AM. He was the teacher that would be writing my letters of recommendations, but asking him wasn’t an easy task. Every year he would give his recommendation letters a cap and to earn one, you would have to be one of the first 15-20 outside of his classroom when he arrived for that specific day, that was essentially Judgment Day, which I’m assuming was in the 6:00-6:30 time range. I was there by 3:35 AM and third in line. It was that exact moment right there that I realized how serious this was. For the first time in my life – since I was no athlete – I became competitive.
I applied to a selection of colleges at very wide ranges. The process was more tedious than stressful, but for the most part, the applications were relatively similar. There were schools on the list that I thought were “pretty,” that were “stretches,” and ones that other people in my life had chosen for me. They each had rallied for me to take the path that they suggested. While many students exerted their own pressure, I believe that during this process, there’s a great deal of pressure coming from other people. For a 17-18 year old, this decision is probably the first big decision you will ever make in your life and naturally there are people who don’t feel like you can do it all on your own, but that support sometimes gets confused with pressure. Anyone who is not in the situation of applying to colleges should really have more empathy on the applicant though because for most of us, this is a time when we are most vulnerable. That wasn’t meant to be emo statement, but there comes a point where someone just wants to say, “Yo – back up off of this and give me space,” but they’re just too nice to do that.
So fast forward four years. Here I am once again finding myself in a similar situation applying to jobs. That nervousness, anxiety, mixed emotions – it’s all there and it’s all normal. Before I send in a packaged application, I find that my finger is on the mouse with the cursor key over the “Send” button for at least three minutes before it is completely out of my hands. For me, looking back on my experiences, the pressure of applying to colleges seemed greater at the time because it was the first time. The thought of applying to jobs back then seemed far away, but now that I’ve reached that point – I think I can safely say that there is more pressure on this, but from myself. The difference between now and the first time is that my application now includes even more of my life story.
Last night, I told Veronica that I had wanted to write a post comparing the two things and she simply said, “Well, it’s different for everyone.” And she’s right. Back then my decisions in regards to college were secured. No matter what I decided to do, I knew that I would always have people to back me up or that I would have a safety school. In about five months, the only thing that I have to rely on from Seattle University is that I received my degree from here. The pressure is so much heavier on myself to obtain something that my whole life has been building up to especially since this will officially be the end to my educational career in an institution, but not my learning career because I hope to always be learning. It should be the most stressful time in my life for me, but I have never felt more at ease. For the next five months, I will go forward with my plans and though I am not sure where I will end up just yet, I do, however, feel empowered by this independence that I’ve strengthened over the four years and that is more than enough for me. If that’s the one thing that I take away from this application roller coaster, I’m glad that it is that!
This original post was inspired by:
Teen Vogue and GOOD.
