04 Apr 2010

So tell me how it is

Alive

1. You’re thankful for feeling this way after celebrating your birthday. Hard.

2. Every single day.

3. The feeling you have when you are surrounded by an incredible surge of energy and emotion and the best people in the world.

I asked my roommate the other day if she would prefer to know when she was going to die or not at all? (Like most people) It’s a big question. I think I expected her answer to be refined and confident even though I was unsure of mine. I’m a hypocrite like that I guess. If I knew when I was going to pass, would I still be sitting here writing this? Would I continue to be in school? Would I stop reading my stats book right now? Would I drop everything in the world to travel? Maybe that’s the bliss in not knowing.

I hear it everywhere. Life’s too short. Life’s too short to be too picky, to have enemies, to not make those sudden impulsive decisions. I don’t have enemies anymore, just people I have cut out of my life.  But I don’t live my life as free as I would like to. The other afternoon my best friend told me that she was going to drive down here to celebrate my birthday that night from maybe about an hour and a half away.  And she did. She made that drive and she stayed until almost 2 AM when she decided to drive back to her school so that she could make her class the next morning. There’s something so admirable about that. That is also something that I would not have done for her. Maybe that makes me a bad friend, or someone that is scared to take that risk. It certainly shows me how awesome my best friend is.

We live our lives to the best that we can. We make mistakes. Our one mistake might be wasting time, but is it really time wasted? Every little thing we do contributes to a bigger picture. I’m doing the best that I can with the life that I have. And I don’t care really care if you don’t like that I’m writing about it or if you think I’m completely weird or crazy; at least I’m alive.

Posted on April 4, in -