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It feels like forever since we have had one of these posts and the reason for that is because I have been spending the last month doing research. That research has mostly consisted of listening to a handful of insight from my friends. They often times teach me more than I realize so in that case – we find their answers to be very credible.

The topic of today’s “Conversations From 20-Somethings?” Homie Hopping – a term that was coined by Nicole Richie  in an episode of #CandidlyNicole.

By definition: a girl (or boy) that breaks up with their significant other and goes on to date one of their friends within no-specific amount of time.

When I was younger, I’ll admit, my views on this were very black and white. I pretty much had this perspective that homie hopping was NEVER okay because a friend once told me, “There are a billion guys out there in this world. There is no need for you to a) be pining over someone that isn’t worth your time or b) dating any of their friends.” For years, I believed in this rule not only because someone told me it and I believed it, but because… isn’t this part of the unspoken friendship code? According to the friends that I have spoken to, it is just known that you are never supposed to date or hook up with any of your ex’s friends and while most would prefer it that their exes didn’t date their friends, this inevitably does happen in real life. Sometimes it ends badly and friends end a friendship. Other times, homie hopping leads someone to realize that an ex’s friend is more compatible with them than the first ex. After compiling my research here are a list of ways you are homie hopping the correct way and the wrong way. I also want to know that homie hopping is not just hooking up with a friend’s ex-fling. That’s completely separate from this post.

Right way: 

• First things first – if homie hopping is going to occur, make sure you or the friend notify said ex. You don’t have to ask permission, but you owe them the truth and they deserve to hear it from you than from someone else. Respect is key and there’s no need to be shady by doing it behind someone’s back. 
• Make sure enough time has passed before you decide to hop
• If you’re the friend, you better make sure that you know what you’re doing. Homie hopping can definitely ruin a friendship so if you’re going to do it, your friend’s ex better mean something to you more than just a fling.

Wrong way: 

• If you’re the ex and you’re doing this out of spite
• If you’re the ex and you’re “lonely” – plenty of other fish in the sea; doesn’t need to be your ex’s friend.
• If you’re trying to make your ex jealous
• If you break up with your ex to date his/her friend
• If you homie hop and you and said friend keep it a secret from your ex.

I’ve read several stories where a relationship between two people didn’t work out, but then homie hopping occurred and it turns out that the ex and the friend went on to have a long-lasting relationship. I whole-heartedly believe everything happens for a reason and that there’s a purpose for why people come into our lives. What if your ex was there to introduce you to your future spouse? If that’s the case, then I think we can safely say that we can let homie hopping slide. You should know though that this is a very rare case.