This week has been a particularly trying week for me. For the last 5-6 years working in tech, I’ve always had this sense of urgency looming around me. It’s something that I’ve also discussed on Yow Yow! from time to time. Even when I’m not working, I could always be working. On the weekends, I have to actively make myself stop. It’s not a concept that people outside of the Bay Area are familiar with – those people tend to think I’m crazy. Those working in tech though battle with similar complexes.
As of late though, that sense of urgency has lessened and while this is a good thing for me both emotionally and mentally, my brain had a hard time registering. I was able to leave work early this week. Somehow, I managed to beat rush hour – something that never happens! I made dinner at home with plenty of time to spare. And I had more than enough time to write on Yow Yow! but I didn’t use it all. Instead I started my bedtime routine early, fell asleep to a podcast and got more hours of sleep in a night than I could last remember on a weekday.
But why couldn’t I be satisfied? There were several moments in this evening where I remembered sitting dumbfounded and wondering what to do with my time. Was I bored for the first time? Why couldn’t I be happy having the extra time? Was there a particular reason why I felt like I needed to work even after returning home from the office? I figured, there MUST be something wrong with me.
tl:dr there’s not; but there is a reason for this. For the last few years of my working career, work has been non-stop. In the past, it has run my life. What this is is a blessing in disguise. This bubble that I live in tells people like me that you are only successful if you continue to give your life to your job. I have felt guilty in the past choosing myself over work. It will take me a couple of weeks (hopefully just one week) to get used to this feeling and to explore what could be my new routine. In the meantime, I know that things can pick up any moment. During this period, I’m excited to give more time to Yow Yow! I also planned my first vacation that is truly just for me since I’ve been a working woman. Next up? Taiwan this spring!