I recently have been debating writing a tougher piece. Digging up that grave in the last week hasn’t been easy and I underestimated my own strength in dealing with that. Something I’ve found is that no matter how much time has passed, some things don’t get easier. It is a very real thing to have those feelings come up again the same way as when you experienced it the first time. Going back to that place this week brought me to a darker place. It consumed an evening without sleep and somewhat uncontrollable tears to the point that I couldn’t bring myself to get out of bed and into work that day.
Ten years ago, my life was impacted by a personal trauma and only then did I start to understand what it meant to feel mentally unstable. When this phrase comes up, people naturally tend to have a negative reaction to it, but I want to remind all of you that it’s a spectrum. A younger me, before this moment, thought I could breeze through life without ever experiencing anxiety or a panic attack. Wouldn’t that be nice! For years, I wanted to fight how embarrassed or shameful this made me felt. It hasn’t been an easy ride adapting and learning how to take care myself in this way, but it has taught me a lot.
We haven’t discussed mental health and wellness much on Yow Yow! but maybe we should. To this day, there’s so much stigma around the topic, but it doesn’t have to be as lonely as it sometimes feels. I know words are just words, but Veronica left me with a reminder on Friday to “be kind to myself.” Though small, setting that intention has got me through the weekend.